Stop Haunting Yourself: Let Shift Go This October
October has a way of bringing out the ghosts. Pumpkins appear on porches, plastic skeletons dangle from trees, and everyone seems to enjoy a good scare.
After more than 20 years as a counselor, though, I can tell you this. The scariest things I see aren't the decorations. They're the quiet, critical voices so many of us carry around inside.
This month's theme came together in the best way. "Stop Haunting Yourself" had been sitting with me, and then the perfect companion idea arrived: "Let That Shift Go." Two phrases. One very important message.
In this blog, we'll explore:
The "ghosts" of self-negativity that follow us around
Why those patterns feel so hard to shake
Gentle, practical ways to finally let that shift go
The Ghosts That Follow Us Around
Self-haunting doesn't look like rattling chains. It looks like lying awake at 2 a.m., replaying something you said in a meeting three days ago. It sounds like "I should have handled that better" or "Why can't I get it together?"
For many of us, especially those who spend our days caring for others, these ghosts move in quietly. There's the guilt that shows up every time you say no. There's the perfectionism that whispers you're never doing enough. And there's the old story that tells you your needs come last.
None of these voices are telling you the truth. They're just loud, and they've been around a long time.
Why Self-Haunting Feels So Familiar
Here's something I want you to hear: if you're hard on yourself, it isn't a character flaw.
Many of our inner critics started as protectors. Maybe being "good" or "helpful" kept you safe or loved growing up. Maybe pushing yourself harder helped you survive a tough season. Our minds hold onto what once worked, even after it starts to hurt us.
Understanding this doesn't excuse the haunting. But it does make room for something softer than more self-blame. That's where real change begins.
The Skeletons in Our Closets
Most of us have a few skeletons tucked away. Old regrets. Moments of shame. Choices we wish we could undo.
We often think keeping that closet door shut protects us. In reality, the things we hide tend to grow bigger in the dark. A little light, shared with compassion, can shrink them back down to their true size.
You don't have to throw open every door at once. Just know that what's inside doesn't define your worth.
How to Let That Shift Go
These are real tools for real life. Try one, or try them all.
Name your ghost. Give your inner critic a name, like "The Perfectionist" or "Ms. Should." Naming it creates space between you and the voice.
Ask what it's trying to protect. Get curious instead of combative. Often, the critic is trying to keep you from rejection, failure, or disappointment.
Use the friend test. Would you speak to someone you love the way you speak to yourself? If not, try offering yourself those same kind words.
Open one closet door. Share something you've been carrying with a trusted friend, counselor, or supportive group. Being seen gently is powerful medicine.
Create a small release ritual. Write down a thought you're ready to let go of. Then tear it up, recycle it, or take it on a walk and leave it behind.
Letting go isn't a one-time event. It's a practice, and every small step counts.
Reflection Prompts for October
Grab a cozy blanket, a warm drink, and your journal. Sit with whichever questions speak to you:
What thought or belief has been haunting me lately?
Whose voice does my inner critic really sound like?
What would change if I believed I was already enough?
What am I holding onto that no longer serves me?
What's one kind thing I can say to myself today?
There are no wrong answers. Only honest ones.
You Don't Have to Do This Alone
Letting go of self-negativity can feel tender, and it's so much easier with support. That's exactly why I created the Monthly Shift.
Each month, we gather live on Zoom for reflection, real conversation, and practical tools in a warm, no-pressure space. This October, we'll lean into "Stop Haunting Yourself" together and practice letting that shift go, one gentle step at a time.
Come as you are. Tired is welcome. Uncertain is welcome. You are welcome.
Because you deserve to live well. Because it's okay to put down what you've been carrying. And because you are the greatest project you will ever work on.
I'd love to see you there.